


Is it Bigger than a Bilgesnipe?

by 27dragons, tisfan



Series: Sarcasm Prompts [7]
Category: Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Bilgesnipe, Drinking, M/M, Trickster Loki (Marvel)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-03
Updated: 2019-01-03
Packaged: 2019-10-03 16:37:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 845
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17287637
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/27dragons/pseuds/27dragons, https://archiveofourown.org/users/tisfan/pseuds/tisfan
Summary: anonymous asked: Hi if the sarcasm asks are still open can I ask for no. 117 with Thunderiron pls.😄😃





	Is it Bigger than a Bilgesnipe?

The Asgardians did not fuck around with their celebrations. Tony had been to some parties before in his life. Some utter bacchanalia-type festivities that could have put a microbrewery out of business. He had considered New Years Eve partygoers as amateurs.

But the Asgardians…

Oh, dear gods. Which, they were. Both gods, and dear.

But they partied like there was no tomorrow and they had to cram a hundred years worth of revelry into a week.

Because that was how long an Asgard party lasted. At least a week.

Tony wasn’t sure. After the third morning, he kind of lost count.

He woke up, he stumbled out into the still-raging party, and was handed a drinking horn or a mug or on one memorable (if somewhat blurry) occasion, some kind of _skull_ and exhorted to drink. And eat. And above all, be _merry_. He’d given up trying to track the passage of time and just given in to the revelry.

So he was not entirely at his peak processing power when the general din (partying Asgardians made a _lot_ of noise) reached an entirely new peak. It took him a few moments to register that this was not a new toast or a battle of wits. It _might_ have been a battle of swords -- Tony had witnessed several of those, so far; they seemed to be the Asgardian equivalent of challenging someone to an arm wrestling match -- but some of the shouting sounded... dismayed. Fighting Asgardians tended to be gleeful or cheerfully murderous or downright thunderous (ha! He’d have to remember to tell that one to Thor) but they didn’t often stoop to _dismay_.

Tony had been sitting behind a table, eating fruit and drinking wine and trying to figure out how a berry that tasted like _this_ could produce alcohol that tasted like _that_. He’d been at it for a while. Several goblets worth of contemplation, apparently. He pushed them aside and climbed carefully and laboriously to his feet to see what was happening.

Out in the courtyard, a fairly sizable crowd had gathered, with much yelling and screaming, they’d formed a ring, the same as they did with wrestling matches and duels, but this time, instead of a pair of combatants, there was an enormous green… thing. Tony blinked, but the creature remained both huge and brilliant emerald green. About the size of a moose, and covered in horns -- not just on its head, but along the back, too, with a huge, shaggy mane like the draping of Spanish moss on a willow tree.

And all of that was particularly interesting, and reminded Tony once again that he was not on Earth, but didn’t even begin to answer the questions of: what is that, why is it here, is it hungry, and most importantly--

“Why am I on top of it?”

Because he was; Tony Stark, recently recognized companion (a title of honor taking the place of _boyfriend_ ) for Thor, was perched on top of the beast, urging it on to new heights of mayhem.

Which was particularly interesting because Tony was quite sure he was also up here, in the feast hall, looking out the window.

Tony really hoped that it wasn’t something horrific like himself traveling back from the future, because he really did not want, at any point in his own future, to be riding that thing. It looked uncomfortable. And probably smelly.

Of course, Asgardian alcohol sometimes came with unexpected effects -- Fandral had given Tony a drink his first night that had turned his hair green for a few hours. Maybe, when Tony had been _seeing_ double, he had actually doubled himself. What if he were the double and the one down there on the... thing, that was the real Tony?

Somewhat belatedly, Tony wondered where Thor was, and whether he’d be able to tell the difference between the two Tonys.

As if Tony’s thoughts had summoned him, the blond giant walked up to Tony’s side and slid an arm around Tony’s shoulders. “I do believe, beloved,” he said, yawning, “that I grow too old for such festive events. A mere week in and already, I look forward to the peace and quiet that is--” he broke off, looking out the window at the spectacle below. “ _Loki_.”

Oh. “That... makes much more sense than what I was thinking,” Tony admitted. The monster was rushing around, causing the assembled Asgardians to shout in excitement and confusion. “In another life, I think I was in a mental institution. That was much more sane than this.”

“‘Tis a marvelous jest on my brother’s part,” Thor admitted, watching as Volstagg attempted to net the creature. “But that is also one of my mother’s prized bilgesnipes, and she will not be amused. Especially if she thinks you are responsible. Come, let us get down there and put an end to it before--”

There was a huge noise, like a very angry hippo had been given an accordion.

“--before the stallion realizes his mare is gone,” Thor finished. “He’s much bigger. And not so well-behaved.”


End file.
